


The Battle for Beardy McBeardson

by LadyNorbert



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Beards (Facial Hair), Drunk Oghren (Dragon Age), Implied Sexual Content, Multi, No The Author Is Not Drunk, Nonsense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-27 20:13:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20766290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyNorbert/pseuds/LadyNorbert
Summary: Oghren challenges Eamon to a beard-off.





	The Battle for Beardy McBeardson

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AceQueenKing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceQueenKing/gifts).

> You probably don't remember this - and if you do remember it, you probably didn't think I was going to do it. But this was inspired by a conversation in the BE chat when our assignments were first distributed, and I hope you like this demented result!

"Lemme in," was all Eamon could hear.

A few moments later, a very baffled guard presented himself. "Pardon me, Your Grace," he said, "but there is a... well... a rather insistent dwarf on our doorstep. I believe it's the same one who was accompanying King Alistair and the Hero of Ferelden during the Battle of Denerim."

"Oh, yes... what was his name?"

"Oghren."

The name sounded more like a belch than a spoken word, and the guard moved aside to reveal the dwarf in question standing behind him. "I'm here for the beard contest," he said.

Eamon blinked. "The what?"

"You're the only human I've met since coming to the surface whose beard even comes close to rivaling mine," Oghren explained. "Thought it was time we had a little face-to-face combat, see whose beard is the best."

"You're not serious."

"I figure we can try a couple different competitions. Tie some little weights to the beards to see whose is the strongest, then get roaring drunk and see whose beard soaks up ale the best." The dwarf gave a sort of barking noise which, Eamon decided after a pause, was probably a laugh. "And then there's other kinds of contests we can have. You might want to get your wife to help with those, she'd be the one pulling on them."

"Master Oghren, are you quite mad?"

"Been drinking since lunchtime. I ain't mad about anything anymore." He eyed Eamon, who felt himself inexplicably coloring under the intense gaze. "Well, you gonna tell her or should I?"

"You... you really want to..."

"I'm just the right height to give a human girl a good time. From what I've been told went on around here during the Blight, she probably needs one." Oghren shrugged. "You probably do too. So we get drunk, beard it out, everybody goes home happy. Well. You're already home. But everybody gets to be happy for a couple hours, and the way things go sometimes, that's enough to ask."

"As puzzled as I am to hear myself saying this," said Eamon, thoughtfully, "you may have a point. Very well, we'll see how Isolde feels about this."

* * *

Oghren took his leave the following day. Exactly what transpired during the course of his visit remained a mystery to most of the residents of Redcliffe Castle. He himself didn't say much, except for one curious comment on his way out the door.

"They're _both_ good at pulling beards."


End file.
